this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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