Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
