i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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