p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
