Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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