it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
