either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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