I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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