so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That's intense
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
