Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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