Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
