yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
