Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
