I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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