Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
