i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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