Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
