i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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