No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
