Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
