she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
