i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
