hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
