chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
