And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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