she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
