Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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