I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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