The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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