I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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