There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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