There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
