I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
