this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
