Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
