My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
