I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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