I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
