is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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