you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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