I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my being single is dangerous.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
