wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
