he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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