she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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