I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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