whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
