I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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