If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
