win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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