Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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