get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
