Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
