Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
