MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
