I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
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