With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
