I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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