carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
