: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
