i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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