Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
