guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
