We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
