It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
