She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
