I'm so fucking centered right now
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
