i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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