listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize