"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
