But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I died a long time ago.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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