Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
