You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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