we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
